Abbe still remembers the exact moment. She was in a brainstorming session at the US-based magazine where she was an editor, and had come to the meeting with a list of ideas. But she felt like each time she tried to speak, she was interrupted.
Abbe grew increasingly frustrated. Finally, she lost her composure. “Can I just finish my thought?” she said. A hush fell over the room, she recalls. For two days, she says she received the silent treatment at work. On the third day, HR called.
The news was bad – she’d lost her job. She believes the interaction in the conference room was a contributing factor: losing her cool burnt the bridge she’d built, and she felt she’d also “destroyed her career” in the industry.
Professional ‘bridge burning’ can happen in several ways. For some, like Abbe, it can mean stoking tension while still in a job; for others, it can mean quitting without notice, publicly disparaging an employer or any other act that permanently destroys a professional relationship. It’s long been considered a career killer – an act that could wreck a worker’s reputation, and make it difficult to find employment down the line, especially in competitive industries.
But in a time of shifting workplace priorities, bridge burning may not be the nail in the professional coffin it once was, say experts.
As workers become increasingly vocal about workplace issues and toxic job environments, open discussions about the negative aspects of work are becoming more normalised and less professionally damaging. And, say experts, not only is bridge-burning becoming less of a taboo – in some cases, actions that were formerly seen as career killers may be necessary to change the workplace for the better.
Protecting toxic workplaces
The origin of the idiom ‘burning your bridges’ (or ‘burning your boats’) may come from the Roman military tactic of crossing into foreign land and then destroying the bridge behind you – leaving no option for retreat. In the context of work, it means damaging a relationship to the point that you may become professionally alienated, whether that means harming your reputation as a good employee, or losing valuable connections that could help your career down the line.
In a time of shifting workplace priorities, bridge burning may not be the nail in the professional coffin as it once was
In some cases, this can be valid – for instance, a worker that leaves a job on a poor note may, say, damage their ability to get a job at a new workplace where former colleagues now work. Even so, says Erin Gallagher, CEO and Founder of Ella, a US-based corporate consultancy focused on DEI, the term is not only “dramatic”, but also increasingly misaligned with the goals of modern workers, who prioritise healthy workplaces.
That’s because while the core idea of not burning a bridge is to protect the worker and their future prospects, she says it can also protect a bad employer. This fear of professional repercussions can ultimately “silence” workers, which means poor work environments can endure without consequences. “It sets up all of these different barriers to structural change, and makes it really difficult for people to tell the truth,” says Gallagher.
A fear of bridge burning kept public-relations worker Kristen from acting against a workplace culture she felt discriminated against her due to her disability. In 2016, she moved to New York for a new job, and had to push back her start date as she struggled to find an apartment that could accommodate her specific needs. Her manager, she says, asked her why she’d even want to live in the city if it was so hard to navigate, and repeatedly told her she was “lucky” to have the privilege of occasionally working from home, even though these arrangements were part of her legally mandated disability agreements.
Kristen says she endured what she saw as bullying because she needed her employer provided health insurance. But even when she eventually left in 2018, she followed the traditional advice and didn’t burn her bridges with the manager or the company.
It’s a decision she regrets. “I really wish I had loudly advocated for myself,” says Kristen now. “It took a toll on my self-confidence. When you don’t do something empowering, you feel diminished.”
Gallagher agrees workers may feel this way. “When we follow that traditional advice, but we still have that one foot back in our toxic workplace, we never fully go forward,” she says. “I think we have to reclaim that term ‘burning a bridge’, because it has such a negative connotation. Instead, we should ask ‘Do you want to stay connected to a place that harmed you? And do you want to be a part of the continuation of that harm for other people?’”
The act of burning bridges can be stressful for the workers who speak out (Credit: Getty Images)
A ‘humanizing’ action
In 2018, Kristen may have felt she was trying not to burn a bridge for her own sake – but experts say that in the current environment, it’s potentially less damaging to speak up in ways that would have been construed as a career-killer in the past.
Sarah Aviram, a speaker and author of the book Remotivation: The Remote Worker’s Ultimate Guide to Life-Changing Fulfilment, points out that, in the pandemic era, so many parts of workers’ lives were out of their control.
“Many realized that working in a toxic work environment, doing a job you hate or working for a terrible boss is just not worth it. Their priorities shifted. They began to want work opportunities with more meaning and purpose, and maybe even one they could enjoy,” she says. “At the time of the Great Resignation, that job market was so strong that people felt less concerned with burning bridges at their former company.”
Now, says Aviram, even as the power pendulum has begun to shift away from workers, they still want to be in jobs they value and where they feel valued. “I think the narrative about wanting a fresh start and new beginning is one that so many people understand globally,” she says. “So, I think a future employer might completely understand this narrative from a job candidate. They would understand that candidate's honesty, their revelation about not being happy and the changing of priorities for the individual.”
Sometimes, says Aviram, hiring managers may even respect workers who have come forward about negative experiences. “Sharing those experiences privately, even in an interview with a potential new employer, humanizes you and opens up the conversation to what kind of company values and culture you want moving forwards,” she says.
The key difference
Still, not every negative comment will be productive. Aviram advises against focusing on personal grudges or repeatedly insulting your former employer. “There’s a difference between making disparaging public comments about a former employer, and being able to speak freely and honestly about your experience, including negative experiences,” she says.
There’s a difference between making disparaging public comments about a former employer, and being able to speak freely and honestly about your experience – Sarah Aviram
Additionally, both experts and workers caution that people should consider the potential personal burden of bridge-burning actions.
For Abbe, the experience was extremely stressful. When the friction with her manager eventually came to a head, there was a small window of satisfaction, which was immediately followed by panic. “I was so deeply angry at myself,” says Abbe. “I thought I would never do better than that that job.”
Joanne Rampling, a career consultant at Duality Careers in London, says it’s OK to “go on a rampage” if you leave a job due to problematic workplace situations, like conflicting values. “But you do so at the expense of your own energy,” she says. “I'm degrading burning bridges from ‘cardinal sin’ to ‘extra stress’.”
Abbe, now 37, ultimately found her bridge-burning wasn’t a career killer after all. She was able to find another job she loved in the industry.
Even Rachel Garrett, a New York-based career and leadership coach, who advises her clients to leave professional relationships on the best terms possible, recalls an incident in her own early career in which she left one job for another. The woman to whom she’d resigned told her she was burning an important bridge. “It took me some time to come down from that moment,” she says. “But what stands out to me is that some people think they have that power over you. And really, you control your story, your narrative and how you're driving your career.”
Ultimately, “the idea of bridge burning is really in the eye of the beholder”, continues Garrett. “We are having more conversations about the importance of setting your boundaries, especially since the pandemic. If you are working with a toxic colleague, or someone who doesn't respect you, setting your boundary may appear to be burning a bridge. But there’s a need for self-advocacy, even if some people aren't going to like it.”
Abbe and Kristen are withholding their surnames for professional security